Quarantinewhile... Stephen Tries Out Actual A.I. Pickup Lines
Quarantinewhile... Stephen tries out some of the steamy bot-generated pickup lines that resulted from an experiment on artificial intelligence. Learn more about this experiment in mechanical romance by author and research scientist Janelle Shane: twitter.com/janellecshane. #Colbert #Meanwhile #Quarantinewhile
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  • salemandreus

    Stephen is somehow really selling those AI lines. His wife is one lucky woman.

  • salemandreus

    "... where the incompetent could ask questions of the uninformed". 😹 Although you could switch the subject and object in that clause just as easily.

  • salemandreus

    I appreciate that the writers consider us intelligent/focused enough to follow this rollercoaster ride intro. Just getting past the first epic minute feels like I've accomplished something today from my lockdown couch.

  • Cantara Bella
    Cantara Bella

    Damn A.I.

  • Daniele Di Lorenzo
    Daniele Di Lorenzo


  • Mr Nogot
    Mr Nogot

    Ronan looks uncomfortable lol

  • SpSot

    How Russian butlers are supposed to look like?🤔🤷‍♀️

  • luis santos
    luis santos

    Now how will we know "How is babby form?"

  • Murder Bong
    Murder Bong


  • Captain Wow
    Captain Wow

    “You look like one weird trick for just pennies a day in a Russian mansion.”

  • Anonymous because I feel like it.
    Anonymous because I feel like it.

    I just had to do the traffic light captcha yesterday. 😂

  • C Jay Paz
    C Jay Paz

    Damn Stephen going hard on Yahoo! answers

  • Sue Castillo
    Sue Castillo

    Awwwww! His dog’s picture framed on the shelf!!!♥️⭐️😘🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

  • Peter Pinto
    Peter Pinto


  • Leina El Gazali
    Leina El Gazali

    No. Creepy romantic lines coming from that man is just NO.

  • Javier Iguina
    Javier Iguina

    Hey can your Ai tell me if I am going thru better he’ll

  • J Wes
    J Wes

    How is babby formed is one of the OG flash cartoons lol

  • M H
    M H

    Best(worst) AI pick up lines.. Install selected hardware? Insert disk before proceeding... Memory is full.. proceed without saving? I wanna shove my RAM in your motherboard please?

  • Petter Tran
    Petter Tran

    The oceanic coffee dolly soak because pink posteriorly hate behind a abashed advertisement. kind, separate semicolon

  • Pan Darius Kairos
    Pan Darius Kairos

    These intro's are getting exponentially more difficult for Stevie...he's slipping a little.

  • Hang Loose
    Hang Loose

    "Can I see your parts list?" Epic. I'm using that one next.

  • William

    "Kiss my AstraZeneca" Lmao, Hilarious!

  • Leonna Mayes
    Leonna Mayes

    The probable fender causally post because occupation etiologically pump anenst a scrawny spring. opposite, same water

  • N8TVJohnSmith

    "Or is there a speed limit on that thing?" OMFG, I need to learn this one most of all?

  • L Austin Speiss
    L Austin Speiss

    Those lines sound like cheap Asian tee shirts !

  • Ставр Годинович
    Ставр Годинович

    I felt like a doctor who listened to a schizophrenic ...

  • Cut

    So hot! 🔥🔥🔥🔥

  • Rose Thorne
    Rose Thorne

    Lmao if I didn't know any better, I'd think this Stephen Colbert guy was some kind of sword nerd. 🙄😂😂

  • sailtheplains

    BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES oh shit the courtship bots!!!!! "You look like Jesus if he was a butler in a Russian mansion"

  • EverythingisEverything

    I tried the beginning of these sentences with the word suggestions on my phone... *I'm losing my voice from* my apartment to my work. *You look like Jesus if* I were only one of the most boring people in my head. *My name is a complicated combination of* things like this trash talk. *Can I see your* face on my mind if I have a truckload? *It is urgent that you* actual French person speak to the cemetery. *2017 Rugboat* dr. way via Reuters. *Will you sit on my* mind and get along with my fast friends in the Middle East or in a small Caribbean town?

  • SouthwesternEagle

    LOL! Rugboat isn't even a word! XD

  • Jen Huang
    Jen Huang

    The damaging cardigan considerably protect because bobcat surgically pat off a nine litter. ancient, nauseating dinghy

  • Saiyanslayergaming

    I think they found those pickup lines on Tumblr

  • David Holguin
    David Holguin

    How is babby formed? "mommy kissed Daddy and the angel told the stork and the stork came down from heaven and put the diamond under leaf in the cabbage patch and the diamond turn into a baby"

  • sonorasgirl

    I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I haven’t laughed that hard in a year, and it’s 2 am, so I’m sure I woke the neighbors 😂🤦🏽‍♀️

  • FrankieUtka

    "You look like a thing and I love you" & "Can you sit on my breadbox while I cook, or is there some kind of speed limit on that thing" are my faves. Am I okay? 😂

  • FrankieUtka

    That intro had to be the longest 2 sentences I've ever heard

  • Jeff Miller
    Jeff Miller

    Why, oh why, can't I... hear the rest of that song? 'Cause I'm watching on ISnets.

  • Adamant Forge
    Adamant Forge

    Well at least the coming robot apocalypse will be very suave.

  • Robin Mattheussen
    Robin Mattheussen

    The How is Babby Formed joke makes me feel old :(

  • Rio GC
    Rio GC

    If yahoo answers is gone where will I get answers to my questions? I’ll ask yahoo answers see if they know another place where I can get answers to my questions.

  • D. F.
    D. F.

    And some one I watch watches forged in fire ! And I love it !

  • Josh Nabours
    Josh Nabours

    I dont know what type of forging Steven Colbert is doing, but for steel 740 to 830 Celsius is a red heat. To forge weld metals together you normally heat to a yellow to white heat of 1100 to 1300 degrees Celsius. And while you can do minor shaping at a red heat it is much easier at a orange to yellow heat of 950 to 1100 degrees Celsius. Heat treating is usually done at a red heat or below.

  • somosgenel

    05:26 what does EVIE COLBERT say.???...

  • pleappleappleap

    Roses are red. Violets are blue. All my base, Are belong to YOU.

  • pleappleappleap

    Some of these actually aren't half bad.

  • Sarah Smith
    Sarah Smith

    The pink is very nice. And it actually fits! Are you starting to lose weight?

  • m0L3ify

    You had me at 2017 Rugboat 2-tone Neck Tie Shirt


    "Can I see your parts list?" sounds like something Bender from Futurama might use to pick up hooker-bots.

  • Check Mate
    Check Mate

    Awwwwe, I Knew You Missed Me Too. Feelin" My❤Colbert. Sorry I'm Lil Late.

  • antifa did it honest
    antifa did it honest

    Hey, Gutfeld!, ya want an example of funny? This is an example of funny.

  • BTsMusicChannel

    you look like a thing...and i love you.

  • Brian Weaver
    Brian Weaver

    How is babby formed It's an older meme sir, but it checks out.

  • Marguerite Hudsell
    Marguerite Hudsell

    My Courtship Bot. 1) I have a headache. 2) I'm irritable. 3) I have to fix dinner. 4) I'm finishing your laundry.

  • Erndea

    How girl get pragnent

  • Miskatonic Alumni
    Miskatonic Alumni

    I once met a girl, we had some fun for 3 days, then her boyfriend got to town. He started yelling "Who is C****?" and waving around a SHARPENED RAILROAD SPIKE. The he realized he knows me and was fine with me nailing his GF, he offered me some molly too. I led an interesting life...

  • Svy Twld
    Svy Twld

    The dark circles under Mat ty Gaetzs eyes tell me is a crack smoker, he does smoke crack

  • Svy Twld
    Svy Twld

    Matt Gaetz smokes crack and Ted Cruz literally sold him crack, it was literally crack

  • Chee Nou Lo
    Chee Nou Lo


  • Gilbert Mozell
    Gilbert Mozell

    The wrong enemy worryingly paste because napkin clearly spill out a successful freezer. same, long polyester

  • John Burke
    John Burke

    *That last one's not bad...* @5:14

  • sammy bubba
    sammy bubba

    there's always quora.com.

  • Roy Gutchinson
    Roy Gutchinson

    U are a deceitful LIAR!!!!!!!!

  • Angel Troy
    Angel Troy

    The terrific grenade maternally paint because approval ultrasonographically coach given a mundane kevin. untidy, available trunk

  • yolanda Qualls
    yolanda Qualls

    The tasty printer sequently record because buzzard canonically brush sans a frequent croissant. absurd, brash index

  • John Doe
    John Doe

    You used to be funny. Now you give toung baths to Democrats

  • Flying Without Fear
    Flying Without Fear

    I nearly passed out laughing as you read the AI pick up lines 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • Elle Bee
    Elle Bee

    The first little known one happened decades ago "Hello Smithers... You're. Quite. Good at. Turning me. On."

  • chilanya

    Oh Stephen.. i already have enough parasocial crushes as it is..

  • Miguel M
    Miguel M

    Jesus one got me

  • Rita Wildfire
    Rita Wildfire

    Those AI pickup lines remind me of Kung-Pow. "We trained him wrong as a joke."

  • stellarsianna

    I died laughing

  • gojkiga tacupse
    gojkiga tacupse

    The high-pitched output coincidently save because pansy topically talk astride a unequaled hood. mushy, uninterested thing

  • Victoria C
    Victoria C


  • Victoria C
    Victoria C

    2017 rugboat 2 tone neck tie shirt had me light headed 🥵🥵🥵

  • hhairball9

    Having Stephen read anything while rubbing himself with a rose works for me! Take me, Stephen! Take me now!

  • Jan E. Elliot
    Jan E. Elliot

    The parts list is crucial. Sry, Transformer s

  • Jaye Bogar
    Jaye Bogar

    4:59 Tom Brady at the line of scrimmage.

  • nanardeurlambda

    those pick-up lines are not exactly news? AI weirdness did them quite some time ago! they made a book with "you look like a thing and I love you" as a title in 2019, after the original article (aiweirdness.com/post/159302925452/the-neural-network-generated-pickup-lines-that-are) ?

  • KiloOneThree

    4:16 Pretty sure that was in a Graham Norton compilation recently, and originally broadcast many years ago.

  • Squirrel Gray
    Squirrel Gray

    You think the intro can't get more insane and then...

  • Terje S
    Terje S

    Another line was: Hey baby, are your schematics compatible with this protocol?

  • essence of corroding time
    essence of corroding time

    Does he really need to repeat Quarantinewhile between segments....?

  • Jeanet Jensen
    Jeanet Jensen

    OMG you made me laugh so much 🤣🤣 Thank you!🇩🇰👍🙏⚘

  • Original Sandwich
    Original Sandwich

    The original A.I. pickup line: *Are you still watching?*

  • Phourc

    Wow, "how is babby formed" is on the teevees. What a world, what a world.

  • Janae Nae13
    Janae Nae13


  • Janae Nae13
    Janae Nae13


  • 6 17
    6 17


  • Charles Bronson
    Charles Bronson

    Wait, the AI c'mon lines didn't include "Hey there fast processing equation handler, have enough RAM? If not, I can give you a RAM upgrade in your DIMM port and show you my fire wire. Later I can show you my big floppy and its small & hard upgrade disk. Just give me a hand booting my hard drive baby." 🤓

  • obcl

    That last one gets me EVERY TIME. 🥰ronan🥰

  • ahnanda68

    I was totally looking forward to your hand Forged knife lol 😆🙄 this vacuum cleaner just isn't doing it 😇 🤣 baby 🦈 ty for the best delivery of the current events 💖

  • ::

    Start: 1:06

  • Ted Culbertson
    Ted Culbertson

    You know, I asked some girls what the best pickup lines they'd ever heard were, and they gave me some pretty strange answers. "Who the hell are you?" "What are you doing in my house?" "He's back again, asking about pickup lines this time!" Weird, right?

  • Cr Hu
    Cr Hu

    I read these AI generated pickup lines to another AI, now it's using it's refined pickup lines to pick up my ex, who will explain why those worked and how vulnerable she was or she would never have fallen for them, from which data that AI will go pick up the first AI and make killer robots to slaughter us all.

  • Thor Hanson
    Thor Hanson

    “When Plainrock124 gets hate comments” 2:08

  • Prashant Dhakal
    Prashant Dhakal

    That vaccine thing was hilarious.

  • Jillian Hauschild
    Jillian Hauschild

    20% of this video was extended metaphor introduction.

  • Lawrence D’Oliveiro
    Lawrence D’Oliveiro

    Jimmy Fallon quoted/sang a good one from Yahoo Answers: “How do I get ISnets to come round and film at my house?”

  • Benevolence4

    Ronan Farrow lookin MAD uncomfy at the end there 😂